…but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel. Proverbs 12:10b (NIV)
I have spent a great deal of time contemplating those words. Strangely, this verse brings me comfort because it keeps me sane and centered on truth. Why are the kindest acts of the wicked cruel? The ‘kind acts’ are deceptive and dishonest. They lead to confusion by keeping the recipient off-balance and unable to trust their own instincts. The kind acts become a mask of niceness that the evil attempt to hide behind. Unfortunately, it often works. Others may view the abuser as being a kind and benevolent person.
Here is what I know to be true…receiving ice cream after having been trapped in a car witnessing a lewd act doesn’t negate the aforementioned lewd act. An abused child accepting a silver dollar doesn’t wipe clean the damage done to that child’s body and soul. There is NO amount of money, presents, or privileges that can make up for having been used as an object for someone’s sexual gratification. Nothing can cancel out the criminal acts perpetrated against the victim. Doing good stuff does not erase the bad stuff. It never will.
That’s why we need Jesus! (Oops, now I’m getting into theology.)
Since disclosing my memories of abuse to my parents, I have received holiday cards and a few emails in which they declared their love for me. Numbness is what I felt. Love…really? My parents have never acknowledged my memories. They have adamantly called me a false accuser. (A fancy way of saying liar.) They have attacked me by angrily listing what they believe are my character flaws. While acting as though they have been victimized, they have been successful in keeping the extended family from making any overtures towards me. Sending the occasional card that is signed, “love, mom & dad,” has given them a ‘nice’ mask to hide behind. Apparently, they have convinced themselves that in doing this they have reached out to me in love. A year ago they sent a graduation card to my daughter. My parents used that opportunity to criticize me and told my daughter that her mom was holding a grudge for something that never even happened. They also told my daughter that there was a gift of five hundred dollars waiting in their account and all my daughter had to do was to call them to claim it. You see, with an abuser, the gift is always tied to something.
We are all sinners. No one is absolutely good all of the time. So, who are the truly wicked? In his book, PEOPLE OF THE LIE, M. Scott Peck, M.D. says, “It is not their sins per se that characterize evil people, rather it is the subtlety and persistence and consistency of their sins. This is because the central defect of the evil is not the sin but the refusal to acknowledge it.” (p. 69)
The consequences of childhood sexual abuse are significant. The damage done to the victim is compounded exponentially by the mask of piety which the perpetrator hides behind. The wicked or evil are experts in disguise. Let us open our eyes and allow God’s truth to guide us so that we can stop being deceived by those masquerading as light.
Isaiah 5:20 (NIV)
Woe to those who call evil good
And good evil,
Who put darkness for light
And light for darkness,
Who put bitter for sweet
And sweet for bitter.
The Last Battle Blog aims to provide meaningful tools and information about the issue of sexual violation. We offer a way to express yourself, as you engage in your own personal awareness and share your strengths with others. Our goal is to cover a variety of topics, stories, ideas, and to create a blog that is beneficial and honoring to those who read it. Last Battle’s contributing authors help make this happen.