A Warrior’s Journey
I emerge a survivor…the child who was abused at home, the teenager attacked by men and the woman who ran away. Violated sexually; what intense pain is in this? Sexual violation leaves insidious scars that torment the deep wounds left behind. Relentless in its pursuit of me, the violation captured my understanding of who I was and who I would always be. My sexuality was manipulated by evil, I was forced to witness the dark side of life where it seemed light had no dwelling place.
I tell my story to you and I am not ashamed, but I am injured, and my recovery can change from minute to minute. I can’t stand before you and tell you that I have finished healing, but I can tell you that you are not alone and that healing can be a reality. For years I wanted to forget what happened. Remembering has changed my life, and my identity has been transformed.
When I tell my story, the chains of confusion and doubt are broken, and I am able to breathe. When I hide, my secrets take control of my life. My injuries force me to live awake to all that is around me. My life is a diligent focus, with no guarantees of true safety and care. My foundation is that while life has required great stamina, I have also found rest in the healing. Light comes now when the darkness closes in, and I am healing in ways I never thought possible. I know that I am more than the sum of my experiences. I know that I can never fall so far that my real Father will not find me.
I have lived through intense pain, debilitating sadness, shame that won’t let go and relentless darkness. But still I stand; breathing, living, loving, and holding on to hope. Hope that I can find life in what change is coming.
I am told that that God makes beautiful things from the dust, but, could I become something beautiful?
Can what is lost really be found?
Could I really be royalty…a princess?
Am I really a child of God
with a true father who loves me?
Now, I am coming to an understanding of what my experiences mean and what my life is really for. My purpose has filled my soul with a sense of courage and victory. My vision of life has changed from sadness and hopelessness to a future filled with joy, self-respect, deep meaning and purpose …things I never thought possible. I bear witness to the fact that, although you may convince yourself otherwise, healing and hope are available to you. You can overcome this and have a life free from the walls that hold you inside.
I heard the voice that said, “Your life is worth living…it’s worth fighting for. Fight like a warrior in battle, and you will overcome the evil forces that bind you.” I am a warrior now, and as God’s chosen child, I know I will have victory.
Continue Reading Embracing Truth: A Warrior’s Journey Part II
The Last Battle Blog aims to provide meaningful tools and information about the issue of sexual violation. We offer a way to express yourself, as you engage in your own personal awareness and share your strengths with others. Our goal is to cover a variety of topics, stories, ideas, and to create a blog that is beneficial and honoring to those who read it. Last Battle’s contributing authors help make this happen.